Are We Living in an Age of “Do What I Say, Not What I Did”?

Parenting is hard. If there’s one thing that’s been on my mind lately, it’s the contradiction that seems to be woven into the fabric of our daily lives as parents. I find myself often saying things like, “Don’t lie,” “Put down your phone,” “Stop scrolling,” “Don’t vape,” “Don’t smoke.” But here’s the truth—who among us didn’t sneak a cigarette as a teen or tell a little white lie here and there? I sure did.

Isn’t it interesting how the very things we caution our kids against are often the same things we did, or at least dabbled in, when we were their age? Parenting, at its core, is built on a set of guidelines we hope will keep our kids safe, healthy, and grounded, but sometimes it feels like we’re caught in this paradox. We tell them, “Do as I say, not as I did,” but deep down, we know we’re walking a fine line.

And honestly, that’s okay. I don’t think anyone has all the answers. The goal isn't to be perfect but to do the best we can with the knowledge we have. So when we say, "I made mistakes, but I hope you'll make better choices," that’s coming from a place of experience, not judgment. It’s about sharing what we’ve learned along the way so they can make informed decisions.

But here’s where it gets tricky. There’s a heavy weight on young shoulders these days. With all the pressures they face—social media, peer pressure, academic demands—it can be a lot. And while we might have made mistakes too, our kids are holding us to a higher standard. They’re growing up in an age where they can see our contradictions, our imperfections, and it’s hard for them to reconcile the “Do as I say” mentality when they know what we’ve done in our past.

This isn’t to say there shouldn’t be consequences for their actions or accountability for mistakes. But I think there's a lot of room for us to listen and validate their feelings—especially their frustrations with the “Do as I say, not as I did” approach. I believe there’s a way to approach this with empathy, where we can set boundaries, have honest conversations, and avoid shaming them for their own journey of mistakes and growth.

Parenting is a delicate dance of leading by example, sharing our own experiences (even the ones we’re not proud of), and allowing our kids the space to make their own decisions. It’s not always easy, but it’s necessary. We can still provide guidance, but we should also be open to hearing them out, validating their feelings, and helping them navigate the tough stuff without feeling judged for it.

Being young is tough. There’s a lot of pressure, a lot of expectation, and sometimes, a lot of contradictions. So let's take a step back, listen, and remember that while we can’t change the past, we can guide the future with love, patience, and understanding.