Mean Girls (or boys) …hot topic eh?
Breaking the Cycle of Mean Girls: A Parent's Perspective
Here’s the thing about “mean girls.” We all know them. Heck, we’ve probably all been one at some point in our lives. Not because we wanted to hurt someone else, but likely because we wanted to keep the target off our own backs. It’s a pattern that’s been passed down, generation after generation, and it's something we can all recognize—often in ourselves and the kids we raise. But if we ever want to break that cycle or even make a dent in it, we need to start with perspective. We need to have perspective, and more importantly, keep perspective.
As parents, it’s our responsibility to teach and guide our children through these growing pains. And that means being open, honest, and willing to listen—not just to our children but to others, too.
Why I Want to Know If My Child is Being a "Mean Girl"
Let me be clear: I want to know if my child is being a “mean girl” or if she’s gotten herself involved with a group of them. The only way I can break the cycle is by being aware of it. I don’t want to live in denial. I want you—whether you're a teacher, a friend, or another parent—to call me out. Send a text. Give me a heads-up. If my child has hurt someone’s feelings, I need to know. I won’t be offended.
Perspective is key here. If my child is treating others poorly, it doesn’t reflect badly on me as a person or as a parent. It doesn’t mean I’ve failed. It means my child is going through some growing pains, and as a parent, it’s my job to help guide her through that. I won’t shame you for bringing it to my attention, and I certainly won’t turn this into a confrontation. Together, we can break the cycle.
It’s my responsibility to step in, get on the same level as my child, and figure out what’s going on. We’ll work through the feelings, the confusion, and yes—when needed—we’ll apologize. We’ll also set healthy boundaries to help my child grow into someone who can treat others with kindness, empathy, and respect.
Shame on the Shaming
Here’s where I think things go wrong. Shame. There’s far too much shame surrounding this whole “mean girl” issue. The truth is, no one’s perfect—not as parents, not as kids. We’re all just trying to figure things out, often battling our own childhoods, our own scars, and the complicated friendships we’ve had. Most of us are trying to raise a generation of children who are gentler with others, who forgive when someone has the courage to say, “I’m sorry,” but also who know their worth when it comes to setting healthy boundaries with forgiveness.
Shaming others doesn’t help anyone. It certainly doesn’t help the kids involved, and it doesn’t help us as parents. The focus should be on growth, learning, and healing—not on pointing fingers or spreading rumors. It’s easy to fall into that trap, to gossip with others about a child’s mistake. But that doesn’t solve anything. Instead, it just perpetuates the cycle of hurt.
Let’s Work Together
So, next time you notice my child making a mistake in how she handles a friend or struggles with a challenging chapter of growing up, please don’t be the “mean girl” in the situation. Don’t gossip or vent to others. Instead, have perspective. Reach out. Call me. Text me. Send up the smoke signals—whatever it takes.
I’ll be right beside you, working with you to figure out what’s best for our girls. Because, ultimately, we all want the same thing: to raise compassionate, kind, and thoughtful individuals who understand the importance of forgiveness, boundaries, and empathy. Let’s break the cycle together, and let’s do it with love, understanding, and support.